I was quite reluctant to post this one, seeing as how it’s blurry and nothing in it is really sharp. However relevant I thought these aspects were to this particular photo, I thought some people may not like it. I guess we’ll just see.
The other day I got to thinking. About my current situation, about New York City; I wasn’t quite sure why I was feeling the way I was about jobs, about making sure my room was liveable (it is — barely!), about keeping a close eye on finances (I am, but it’s hard) — and I came to realize that I’m feeling exactly how I did in Paris. I miss Middlebury and I feel like I should be there but I’m not. Subconsciously, I’m telling myself this is temporary. Somewhere deep down a part of me is saying, “Don’t worry, it’s only for a little while and then you’ll go back” even though, consciously, I know that I won’t be going back. It was actually weird to even type those words. I won’t go back, it’ll never be the same, this isn’t temporary. I know this, but somehow I don’t at the same time.
A very strange feeling it is, I tell you. I don’t feel a really strong need to integrate here because of it. I don’t feel a pressing need to assure that I do everything I would normally need to do — namely, exercise — to fall into my normal rhythm. In fact, I have no rhythm here. It’s all just a day-to-day thing. I wake up when I want/have to, I do the things I need to do that day, I approach each meal as soon as I become hungry and then I decide what I want to eat. Dinner is never a planned event; it’s usually “What haven’t I eaten in a while?” The answer is almost never “Yes, pasta with marinara.” It’s usually “Pizza” or “Thai” or “Chinese” — which is all well and good, except I know I can’t afford it. It’s crap!
So I guess my large-scale project right now — aside from the job issue — is do develop a rhythm (man, I hope I’m not spelling that word incorrectly). But right now, I have to put my laundry in the dryer.
5 Comments
September 23, 2005 at 7:51 pm
Sorry, I find no redeeming qualities with this at all. If it were a controlled blur (action pan) or a more striking image I might like it, but it’s just a blurry photo of almost nothing. Bin it.
And yes, you did spell rhythm correctly.
September 23, 2005 at 8:06 pm
At least he doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s pretty much right, though. Don’t know what I was thinking.
September 25, 2005 at 4:23 am
I wouldn’t worry too much about not having a routine… it’s hard to have one without a job, and it will happen entirely of its own accord once you do. In the meantime, of course, it can’t hurt to find a gym etc etc so that when you are busy and employed you don’t have to worry about the details. As to the picture, I really like the thumbnail, but was let down by the full image. Maybe it was more dude-centric, or the background were sharper… or if you had freaking talent.
chump.
September 25, 2005 at 7:39 pm
Snipe! Seriously, I think it was a good attempt, but ultimately a bit “bloggy”, if you take my meaning. On the other hand, your journal entry speaks rather strongly to me, despite the fact that I’ve been in my current location for about 4 months now. Wherever you go, there you are…sort of. That’s what I wrote during one of my first few days in Nantucket, and it rings true still, John Kabat-Zinn’s wisdom notwithstanding.
September 25, 2005 at 7:40 pm
Whoops, I meant New Zealand. But either way.